Moving Home!

As many times as I have moved away from home I always seem to be drawn back there. I don't know why really, I mean it's so beautiful in Portland. There is so much to see and so many different kinds of people. I really do love it! What's hard is having family that I love so much and not being able to have the relationships that I want so much! I just don't get them and I don't think they get me.
But now that I am married and have a family of my own I have to learn that it's not only me that matters as much as I want to run away from my childhood nightmares. I do still have so many good relationships at home that I don't want to ignore. Javier's family is there also and I just can't imaging having our kids grow up without them. His family is so opposite of mine. I don't want to keep the kids from knowing their large family. As disfunctional as my family was, I loved that I had so many aunts and uncles and cousins around and even though we may not be close now. Those are memories that are so close to my heart.
I feel like leaving Tulsa isn't going to be as easy as it seems like it should be. I haven't really made a lot of connections here but the ones I have made I think are what kept me from crying everyday being away from anything familiar. I've learned so much about myself this year though. I don't want to let life pass by me anymore. I want to go after my goals and not be lazy anymore. I want to get closer to my friends and family who are good for me and learn how to keep my distance from those who aren't so good while still loving them. I think that life here is so much slower and people really care more about other people and that's what I really love about Tulsa. Family and friends are most important and not getting ahead and what u can gain. I wish I could stay here and have all my family move here but that isn't going to happen. I hope that I will be able to keep in touch with people here and I hope that going back home wont mean moving backwards for me. I don't want to want too much but I also don't want to want too little. I think God has so many blessings that are here for us to experience I want to take advantage of every one that I can!